"I never said it would be easy, I only said it'd be worth it" :): Birth Shmirth...

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Birth Shmirth...

While visiting my sis-in-law in the hospital to see her and her new baby I had to use the restroom. As I looked at the pictures on the wall telling you how to use the bathroom after giving birth I suddenly realized that I'm next. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay...a little better. I'm so excited to bring our little baby into this world, but I'm not excited about the details of how that will happen. You'd think I'd be a "pro" at this being number 4 and all, but it still scares the crud out of me. With Sweets I bawled in the hospital room before anything had even started...just out of fear. Obviously we are not in the dark ages and things are much better now, but complications still happen. And of course, I didn't choose the epidural with her so I was screaming " I'm going to die!" to the Dr.

After talking with my SIL about her latest experience (number 5), I realized I have to make some choices...epidural or not... and then there's the whole recovery...again! Not being able to walk without shaking....what if I bleed like I did with Bugs and think I'm on meds because I'm floating ...but I'm not on meds! I'm not excited about the "bathroom" aspect of it after everything's been done. I'm not excited about the recovery pain. I'm not excited about the IVs. I'm not excited about the stretchy, flabby, wierd skin that's left behind. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know this is normal. I've done it with the other three...everything's going great until you remember that this baby has to actually come out-at some point-out of somewhere-and it's going to hurt like $#%$#^%^&^$#$@!

But, if she looks anything like my other 3, my breath will be taken away and it'll be okay. She's worth it. They all have been. Now...I've got some MAJOR decisions to make!

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Why single?

I remember being engaged and thinking "I can't wait til we're married and we can be together ALL the time." A married friend of mine said "yeah right. We see eachother less now." I didn't believe her :) Well, one month after graduation, babygirl came along. Hubby had a crappy job and didn't get any days off. Luckly she was born on a Sunday. We lived away from any family and dealt for a few days til help arrived. (more like cried and ate toast while never putting down a nursing baby). More school for hubby and Bugs came along. Hubby's don't get maternity leave when they're students...so again we dealt for a few days until help arrived. Moved onto Grad school. Took hubby to carpool every morning @ 6am and picked him up at 5:30pm. Dinner and kids in bed by 6:30 then studying til 10pm. Got a second car (hooray!) which allowed the kids to stay up later and sleep in...thus getting to see daddy more. 3rd year of grad school brought Sweets with it. Hubby got my text to meet me at the hospital. Left school and came over. Back at school the next day. No tears. Lots of help with friends this time :) And family arrived before I was even discharged! Baby #4 came 2 months before graduation…and shortly after we learned we did not match. ..so no job or place to go. we made it though-as you will see. Our caboose arrived at the beginning of our last year in residency. I started this blog when just 3 were at home. It's been a place for me to vent, rejoice, and basically be honest and real with out situation and that of many other students/residents/beginning doctors. Now are in our first year of our career and already we have seen several lows…but we keep chugging forward…and I'm happy to report, I'm not so single any more!