scared. frustrated. angry. bluh

First can I just say my son has not been using his brain lately? I know he is 5 and 1/2 but really.  We are getting frustrated. Today was the scariest when I gave him (an all the kids) a hotdog and told them to hurry and get in the car because we were trying to make a carnival thing before Svend had to leave for a surgery. Anyway, the kid shoves the ENTIRE hotdog AND bun in his mouth. I didn't see it until he started veering off the path toward the car and headed instead toward another townhouse. When I grabbed him and asked where he was going, he looked at me and food started pouring out of his mouth and he was trying not to let it fall out. I had a papertowel (luckily!) and told  him to let it fall on that. Svend asked what the hold up was and I told him Bergen had shoved the thing in his mouth and it was coming out.  Then, I looked at Bergen and he started gagging it out... the ENTIRE hotdog!! Seriously KID!  SO scary for him, furious for Svend and scary/frustrating for me.

Lately it's been that I'll put a bowl of cereal on the table for him, tell him to go eat it and find him just sitting in front of an empty place pouting 10 minutes later...because the bowl I put on the table wasn't in his spot so he didn't think it was his... NEVER MIND that it was the ONLY ONE on the table and no one else was down stairs!

tonight he came downstairs because I asked him to sleep in my bed since Brooklyn was having trouble. When I asked him why he came down he said there were too many pillows on the bed. THROW THEM OFF !!! This is happening too much....


Okay, so the real reason I am so frustrated today with Bergen is that long story short, he got angry at some bigger kids for not playing the game he and his friend were playing the way they wanted it played. I told him to stop playing with the bigger kids.  So...instead of OBEYING... he continues to play, gets angrier and angrier and ends up jumping on a 6/7 year old's back and they wrestle until his face gets smacked with the other kid's arm.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

So... I ended up grabbing both Bergen and the other kid and taking them to the other kid's parents to make sure they understood that they were wrestling from anger and that Bergen started the wrestling because he was being teased but that the other kid was fine and on and on and on and on... I WAS BEYOND ANGRY! And I HAVE NEVER had to do something like that FACE TO FACE with someone I barely know. I WAS FREAKED OUT OF MY MIND. The other kid started crying. I was so angry at BERGEN I know I used too strong of a voice with the other kid.  CRUD!  I am so mean. I am such a crazy person today.

I just don't know what to do with this kid of mine. I grew up with all brothers and I know they were mean and hurt one another...alot but they were brothers.  Same parents.  But I also remember them getting in a LOT of physical fights... I'm so scared. I don't know how to raise a boy. I can't believe I wanted all boys.  He is so angry. He is so sensitive. He takes EVERYTHING personally and it's soooo hard for him to get past it. I know where he gets it from. Me.  Which is even more frustrating.

Svend wants me to put him in wrestling. It's cheap and it's 1.5 hours a day two times a week. The problem is that it's 30 minutes away.. and I'd have to take all the kids with and it's RIGHT after Tally gets out of school each day. I do NOT want to do it. I do NOT want to do it!!!  I found a boxing place here... I left them a message today to see how young they start the kids... it's only a mile away. He needs something.  He needs to beat something up.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

The end. Now maybe I can do my lesson for tomorrow :(