mother's day

So, nearly every mother's day (except maybe the last one... ) I have wished for a day away from my kids. Not that it had to be on Sunday. Just a wish to sleep in, not have screaming kids begging for my attention, no cooking, etc... I usually end up pretty frustrated by the end of the day.  Pretty selfish and crappy mom...

So this mother's day I get my "wish." However, I really don't want it!  I want to wake up to my kids. I want to wake up to Brooklyn kicking me with her feet as she snuck into my bed. I want to see Tabitha slink down the stairs and just smile until I notice her (or sometimes whine until I notice her).  I want to see Tabitha in her FIRST primary song on the stand! I want to hear my children singing with their best voices.  I want to make dinner for my family. I want to try to take a nap with Svend and be interrupted 30 times in one hour while the kids come up asking various things.

I will be in California. Jordan is getting married. Out of the blue. He was supposed to get married in August but they decided they couldn't wait and gave us all a week's notice. So, my parents are flying myself, John, and Bruce to Cali this weekend so we can support him. Josh already had plans with his son, Ryley, and can't make it.  I'm excited to be there but will miss my family. But I'm excited to help with the reception. They weren't going to do anything or even tell anyone... so now mom and I are planning and she's purchasing things, and we'll be busy Saturday morning getting things all set up for the 4:00 wedding :)  I fly home Sunday. I'll spend 7 hours in the airport/flying so really I won't be "enjoying" my day away. I'll miss my children. I wish it wasn't mother's day.

I made my children each a mother's day gift. It's nothing big but I printed off pictures of me with each of my kids as babies.  Above it I wrote how much I love them and a few things on what I love about them.  I'm going to go to the dollar tree and frame them. ...then put them on their walls so they can always see that.  I have to say, I better not die in a plane crash or something!  I hate hate hate flying.  I just want to stay home but feel like I should be there for my brother--once in a life time. he better not screw up his marriage! haha.  There will be many more mother's days. Svend will have fun with the kids. He always does and they enjoy time alone with him.  I'm sure they'll be eating hotdogs at costco and other things.

I'm so glad I'm a mom.  It's hard. I'm learning to let things go.  Tally and I have been headbutting for months now and I feel like we are finally making some headway in our relationship for the better.   I started picking up at night, doing the dishes in the morning, and one "deep" clean a day. It makes for a clean house, less stressed me... and better all around.