giving

We are struggling. We always are financially. Sometimes I feel the squeeze and other times I don't. I usually only feel it when the kids are in an asking mood…or random bills come up that we weren't expecting and are unusual and one time…like school fees, times 2. bluh.  Anyway, living pay check to paycheck, we have just enough to cover all our bills and food.  We have JUST enough. So when random stuff comes up, I don't know how we'll survive. But we do. We always do.  Heavenly Father blesses us and it all works out. We have been digging in our savings here and there, but not a lot…and we have $900 right now.  So, we are currently better off this year than we were last year at nearly $0.

So, I had to take Svend to the airport on Tuesday. he's currently in Arizona at a conference that really is just a break and party. how they shielded the 2nd years from discovering it's true value is beyond me and somehow all 3rd years got to go.  Anyway, as I drove home, we went under a bridge. I counted 3 people that I could physically see were sleeping under the bridge. Another 3 were on the street begging or selling things.  I texted Svend and asked him if we could buy some hamburgers and pass them out. his response was that it was too dangerous an area to get out and pass them out. So, instead, I'm going to buy 10 hamburgers from Wendy's on the way to get him from the airport and then we'll just pass them out to them thru our window as we stop at the stop light. I pray we get to give them some hot hamburgers tomorrow!
There was a tornado a few days ago just south of us. Ruined a whole community. Bergen was asked to bring in toothbrushes.  I realize I only spent $3 on 3 toothbrushes, but that was a little hard and I'm grateful I didn't ignore the prompting and pass off on it b/c "we're poor too."
Today I took dinner to Necia Munro. Her daughter has several medical issues and is super sick and Necia has neck problems and it's just tough for them…always.  She lives a little ways away but I felt like I needed to take her dinner. I am so glad I did.  She is a great example to me of a positive attitude. Holy cow that woman can smile through it all… amazing amazing woman.

Today Svend and I were texting back and forth about money. he said we should probably shop at the Bishops storehouse for December. I agreed. We are taking the kids out of skating for the 1st winter term. We just don't have the $300. We have it in savings, but we just can't pull that out….not now.  Hopefully with our tax return, we can put them back in skating and also have enough to move. It will take around $500 to get to and from Texas for christmas from our savings account. We need to do that anyway though b/c we will be searching for homes and hopefully getting his contract signed which is taking for.ever!  I am just praying it goes through. seriously. I don't know if the guy is anxious to have help and can't wait for Svend so he's been "shopping around" for another associate or what…but I'm getting nervous and try to not think about it…especially when money is so tight right now.

We decided to live with my parents for the summer too…while we figure out what our real life budget will be.

Anyway, the church store house is hard because it's really food storage-food. which is GREAT but I am trying to buy tons of fresh produce for my family…and they don't have that. however, it DOES provide all the staples that we seem to run out of more frequently now. It's amazing how much money a family of 7 can go through…and while I can't buy treats for my family, I can make them with store house ingredients.  And of course all the meat /chicken at the storehouse.  I told Svend we need to sit down with the Bishop and explain our need…because I feel sometimes like we are beggars and not worthy of the help but then things get so tight and it's hard to even have a good attitude…

The kids are doing good. I took them to McDonalds tonight (see…wasteful me) but we had coupons from Tally's school :) Anyway, bergen was upset I didn't buy him a happy meal. I told him I had very little money and chose to spend it on the kids and not on me or Svend and I wished he could appreciate that.  Tally got it.  I told him if I had a million dollars, I'd give it all to my kids because I love them so much. But I don't. So right now, they need to know that what little money I have I give to them and I hope they can be grateful for it.

I love my kids.  Brooklyn is giving us the run for our money. which reminds me, I need to go back and read my thoughts on her in our family from her first few weeks of life…hopefully give me some perspective ;) She is so happy. All the time. I mean, ALL THE TIME when she's doing what she wants…which could be good and could be things like punching, biting, hitting, pinching, etc.  She does not like to say sorry or feel remorse. She is very good at laughing at her punishments…unless it's a total spank which I hate and so does everyone else. I am at a loss with her right now. She's also started talking less…and regressing a bit lately.  Just don't know what to do…

Anders is such a wonderful baby. I can't say that enough :)

Tabitha is doing good. She's getting better at being a "big kid". She loves when Brooklyn plays the baby so she can be her mother. They get a long really well, until Tabitha decides she's done playing a game and Brooklyn wants to keep going…

Bergen is getting better at reading-whew! he still hates it… but he's doing better. His stories are funny. He is a liar. No easy way to put it. We are working with him on telling the truth but he gets into trouble a lot for lying…

Talia is so great. We don't give her enough credit. I think she wears the weight of the world on her shoulders in regards to her siblings. She really has the "oldest child" mantel.  She tries so hard to please us and gets upset when others don't obey or get into trouble. She feels their pain.

Svend is doing good. Ready to be done but still has a few more tests to take…then we're FREE!

I am good. My back is better but still not great. I have a doctors appointment on Monday-finally. hoping I don't have to take all 5 kids with me. That would suck. while I'm there eI will sound like a hypochondriac. I haven't been to the doctor in about 1.5 years (other than OB).  So I want to ask about my heart skipping beats and pain in my sternum, then my back. I have athletes foot and Svend said I need a prescription b/c over counter isn't fixing it and he can't give it to me… my weight, birth control… etc. we'll see how it goes-haha

I need to go to bed. I've got to take all kids to hockey/skating tomorrow and we have to leave at 8am… ugh.

The post was titled "giving" because I'm trying my best to GIVE and hopefully we'll be blessed. Yes, I'm seeking for blessings… but I want to give just to give. It breaks my heart to see these people, my brothers and sisters, suffering… and if I can't help, just a little tiny bit, I will.